Linda has been trained in couple’s work through the John Gottman Institute. Combining Gottman’s research about what makes relationships succeed or fail with energy therapy is a dynamic duo.
Through the years, though, Linda has concluded that without a commitment to personal change and transformation on the part of both individuals in a couple, long-lasting change is rare. Therefore, she has developed a unique format for working with couples, one which requires buy-in from parties before commencing.
Traditionally in couple’s therapy, the relationship is the client. The therapist works to strengthen the commitment inherent in the relationship and to increase the skills necessary to navigate it. Important as this emphasis is, research has shown that participants in couple’s counseling are generally dissatisfied with the results. Why?
Relationships bring up our deepest issues. There is nothing like getting close to another person to trigger insecurities, defenses, inadequacies, power struggles, frustration, control issues, you name it. Unless those issues are addressed, little happens in the way of lasting change.
The first one or two sessions Linda spends with a couple are mostly spent listening. Linda makes a record of the characteristic thoughts, feelings, behaviors and beliefs which emerge in the context of their interactions with one another. These are then typed up and given to the couple for review and modification.
During subsequent sessions, each individual takes a turn being on the “hot seat.” The person who is the focal point of the session engages in the 10-point mind-body-spirit therapy described in A New Kind of Therapy, highlighting the issues which are triggered for her/him in the relationship. The other person acts as consultant, often providing an invaluable source of information about extended family dynamics.
When current issues between the couple come up, as they certainly will, using this format before problem solving does two things: 1. It takes the “charge” off the issue, leaving the current relational dynamic to be explored unencumbered by the baggage of the past; 2. It encourages taking personal responsibility rather than blaming the other – an overall framework which bodes well for the future of the relationship.
With many couples this format has been highly successful. The number and intensity of arguments tends to decrease, and the degree of emotional support increase, as partners understand what underlies the reactions of the other and become more emotionally able to offer support.
There are situations in which it is not in the best interest of each member of the couple to have the partner in the room with him or her while engaging in deep emotional work. In that case, Linda works with each person in separate sessions.
Linda has experience working with both hetero-sexual and same-gender couples